10 signs of low self-worth

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." – Buddha

When I decided to write a guide to help women feel seen, valued, and loved, I knew this was something my younger self would have deeply appreciated. However, I didn’t realize to what extent until I recognized that I had experienced all the signs of low self-worth myself.

So of course my first thought was, why I didn’t learn this sooner? But then remember that the timing is always perfect (even if it doesn't look like it), maybe a couple of years ago I wouldn’t have received the information with an open mind. And the other thought was: Why there is no one (or not enough people) talking about this?

The need to feel seen, valued and loved is universal, is an internal need, but for us, women, we have had to fight against some external factors as well, making us feel even more invisible. And because we didn’t know any better we attached all those external factors to our self worth.

So let’s talk about this, learn the signs and what you can do to value yourself unconditionally!

These aspects often intertwine, so improving one area can positively impact others, helping to build a more healthy sense of self-worth. 

Here are the signs and how did I experience them in my life.

1. Negative Self-talk:

We all do this, we criticize and treat ourselves worst than we would treat our worst enemy. Specially if we don’t love and value ourselves enough to understand that we are human, that we are going to make mistakes. Self-compassion is the key to lower the negative self-talk. Next time you make a mistake talk to you like you are talking to a dear friend.

Of course I have made so many mistakes in my life but I remember this one very clearly. We were traveling to Iceland some years ago and we arrive to the wrong airport! We have two main airports, Newark and JFK, both an hour away from my house, and they are also an hour away between them without traffic. So in my head we were traveling from Newark, we prefer that one, so we arrive there and they couldn’t find us in the system, I wonder why? We were in the wrong airport, the flight was from JFK! They had a flight from Newark to Iceland but they had no room. So we had to jump in a taxi and pray that we make in on time. Thank God we always arrive extra early for our flights, so we made it, and had a great time in Iceland. BUT the way I treated myself, well let’s say it wasn’t very nice! I kept repeating the scenes in my head, how did I miss that, I did the online check-ins how did I didn’t see that, I’m such an idiot, I always do that … and on and on! I didn’t have the tools at the moment to deal with it in a better way and I didn’t know how to be compassionate with myself.

That’s what doing the work of personal development does for you, you change your mindset and all your life changes. And I know because I had something similar happening again last year. I was traveling by myself, locally and when I arrive to the airport I realized I didn’t have my purse! Yes I had left my purse at home, I took my backpack and suitcase but not my purse. But this time, my reaction was completely different. I did panic for 2 minutes, but then I remind my self that everything happens for a reason and to trust that all will be as it should be. So I sat down, had a tea, and waited for a taxi to bring me my purse, again, thank God I had arrived early, I made it to the gate just as they were starting to board the plane. This time was no negative self-talk, nothing, I know better now, and when you know better you do better.

2. Fear of Failure:

This has stopped so many people, the books that haven’t been written, the great ideas that have been lost in time, the people waiting for something that only someone in particular can offer, but because of the fear of failure it hasn’t been created.

We have this idea that we need to be experts to start doing something, so we can spend all our lives getting the knowledge on how to do something but never actually doing it. We forget that we can only get real experience by doing not learning about it. And also that there are no failures or mistakes, there are only lessons. Like Thomas Edison said: "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” That’s a growth mindset.

Between this fear and the believe that I wasn’t good enough, you can imagine how I felt about trying something new. And the thing is that even when I pushed myself to do something, those fears and beliefs will made me sabotage myself. Like the many times I said that I wanted to start a blog and a coaching program, but barely did the work to actually make it happen, what I did instead was find excuses, a lot of them!

3. Sensitivity to Criticism:

We worry that others will judge, evaluate, or criticize our actions, beliefs, or abilities, like we could control what other people will think! We get out of our own way to try and make things perfect so no one can judge us, but guess what, no matter what we do, someone will. Why? Because we all have different preferences and tastes, that’s it, is not about you!

We often take criticism as a personal attack, even if it is constructive because all of our efforts to be perfect didn’t work. Again when we have a close mindset, and are constantly trying to achieve perfection, any critic, good or bad goes against our ego. Criticism often touches a vulnerable spot we try to hide.

This was HUGE for me! I wasn’t just sensitive I was so afraid of being criticized, because I didn’t value myself, the approval of the external world is what I rely on, so I made sure I was always well put together, make sure that in my outfit everything matched, make sure to wash my hair every other day, even if it was inconvenient, and go with the same notion and ideas of the people around me.

4. People-pleasing:

This is very common, we want to make people happy, and there is nothing wrong with that unless you are doing it above your own needs and desires.

People pleasing is related to one of the biggest fears in the world, no, it is not public speaking, it is the fear of not be loved! We are hard wired for connection, we need to be loved and feel we are part of something. To achieve that we make sure to please everybody, by saying yes, even to the things we don’t want to do, going out our own way to make others happy and putting our needs aside.

When you don’t value and loved yourself enough you rely on the people around you to love you, so you make sure to do everything they want, need and desire! Leaving you with no time and energy for your own needs and desires, because every time you say yes to some else you are saying no to you!

This was hard for me, I couldn’t say no, I felt so bad just thinking about it, so I would always say yes, even to things that would involve other members of my family, causing fights and unnecessary stress. And the funny thing is that you start resenting the other person for asking, like is their fault, instead of taking responsibility and understand that they can ask, but it’s up to you to say yes or no.

5. Difficulty Accepting Compliments:

When we don’t value ourselves and depend on external approval we start to get disconnected from our inner self. When we are seen and praise for something we did we feel uncomfortable and often dismiss it like it was nothing, because deep down we belief we don’t deserve it. We can’t value our efforts when we are disconnected and had the belief that everyone else can do it better.

I remember how uncomfortable I felt whenever someone had a compliment about something I did. I didn’t even get it, I would think, well someone had to do it, so I did it, is not a big deal!

6. Perfectionism:

Often we set unrealistically high standards for ourselves and then we feel inadequate when they are not met. But why do we want to be perfect? To hide our imperfections and perceived inequalities. This ties back to the fear of being rejected or not loved. So we think that if we are perfect we will be loved and accepted.

I had this idea that anything that I did needed to be perfect or I wouldn’t do it at all, imagine how hard that was? And you probably could guess how that belief stopped me for doing so many things in my life because they were not perfect and I was afraid of being criticized.

In one of the many training I took they told us something that helped a lot with this belief and it was: Do it messy, do it imperfect, do it scared, do it anyway!!!

I started repeating that to myself and after some time I was able to change that belief. And I also used this one: Done is better than perfect!

7. Comparisons with Others:

Since a young age we learn to measure ourselves agains others and this can be either good or bad. I know what you are probably thinking: comparison is bad, is the thief of joy how it can be good. Well, hear me out.

It is bad if we let it stop us, if we do it in a way that demoralize us. But it could also be done in a good way by using what the other have as motivation. You could say, if she/he could do it why not me?

The problem is that often we compare traits that are not comparable like Comparing Introversion and Extroversion: If someone who is naturally introverted compares their social skills against an extrovert's, they might feel lacking or inadequate. However, these traits are inherently different.

I used to compare myself so much and in the bad way for so long. When I was in my 20’s I belonged to a personal development organization, I produced events for them, but like almost everyone else in the organization, I wanted to be an instructor. But I will compare myself with every other woman in there making me feel worthless and paralyzed.

In hindsight I can see how all those women were doing something I really wanted but I was letting my fears and insecurities stooped me. Now I realized that it wasn’t about what they had that I didn’t have. It is about understanding that we are all unique, and it's that uniqueness that we need to potentialize. They were actually showing me a piece of my true potential.

You can turn comparison into an incentive for growth, let others successes inspire you.

8. Social Withdrawal:

When you feel worthless you want to hide from the world, mainly because you feel inadequate and are afraid of judgement. So you prefer to live in your own safe bubble, the problem is that the walls that we put up to protect us start to imprison us and one day we realized that in order to live a fulfilled life we have to push pass our fears and do the work remove the walls.

This is the sign that I relate the least. Not because I wasn’t afraid of judgement, it was completely the opposite I was super afraid of it but I also never wanted to be left out of anything so I usually didn’t withdraw myself from social gatherings. Because of this many times I found myself in events or situations where I totally didn't belong, and that made me feel even worst about myself. But remember, I didn’t know how to say no.

9. Indecisiveness:

I mention it before, when we are disconnected form our inner self, and don’t value or love ourselves, we rely on others opinions. The problem with that is that there are as many opinions as people in the world.

Realistically how can someone else know what is good for you? But because we lack the confidence that we will choose correctly plus our fear of failure pushes us to depend on others. And this takes the responsibility of our decisions from our hands, it is easy to blame someone else when things don’t go as planned.

I used to ask so many people before I would do anything, because I didn’t believe in myself, so I needed the external confirmation and the believe they had in me to believe in myself.

10. Neglect of Personal Needs:

Again if you don’t value yourself you don’t feel you deserve time, energy and attention to your needs. Plus you are busy people pleasing, so you put everyone else in front of you potentially leading to burnout or exhaustion. And this is specially true for mothers. There is a misconception that self-care is selfish, but that’s simply not tru because you can’t pour from an empty jar. Self-care is what maintains the jar full.

I remember at some point in my life I felt extremely tired all the time, but I pushed myself to do what I had to do to take care of my son and husband. This went on for quite a while until I finally decided to go to the doctor and it turned out I was extremely anemic, so much that they wanted to do a blood transfusion. This is how bad I took care of myself, I waited so long to treat something simple that became more serious. Ohh but my son never missed any doctor or dentist appointments.

So now you see I had all the signs, but I didn’t know at the moment what was the root of it.

Understanding these signs can be the first step toward acknowledging the presence of low self-worth and look for ways to improve it. That is exactly why I created the Unseen no more: A guide to Embracing Your True Worth! Click here to download, it is completely free and it can help you get the root of the problem and start living a more fulfilled life.

You deserve to be seen, loved and value! Never forget that!

Thanks for reading and keep growing!

With love,

Nathalia Mahecha