Is Prioritizing yourself selfish?
"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you."
— Anne Lamott
Is prioritizing yourself selfish?
This is a common misconception, popular among mothers.
Taking care of your needs and wellbeing is not only necessary but beneficial for you and those around you.
The belief that prioritizing oneself is selfish has roots in various historical, psychological, and cultural perspectives. Understanding these perspectives can help in re-evaluating what self-prioritization means to you personally and culturally.
Historically, many religious and philosophical traditions have emphasized altruism and selflessness as virtues. For instance, many interpretations of Christianity promote putting others' needs before one's own as a form of humility and charity.
Psychologically, the notion stems partly from social dynamics where cooperative behavior and social cohesion have been crucial for community survival. People often perceive self-centered behavior as disruptive to group harmony.
Culturally, norms about selflessness can vary widely. In many collectivist cultures, prioritizing the group's needs over the individual's is highly valued, reinforcing the idea that personal prioritization is selfish. In contrast, individualistic cultures may have a more balanced view but still grapple with societal expectations.
That idea also comes from a lack mentality, if I dedicate time to myself and my needs I have less time and attention for my love ones. But when we make the mind shift to an expansive mentality we’ll understand that that time spend for myself will multiply the benefits for my loved ones, and the quality of time will improve. Let me explain.
It will only be selfish if what you are doing is not going to help those around you as well, but just yourself.
For example, if your priority is to get a new car, one that is a sports car that seats 2 people, that would’n be very nice for your family of 5. But if your priority is to relax on a wellness weekend gateway, that is going to help you recharge and be in a better mental and emotional space for your family when you come back. That is not selfish at all even though you had to leave your family for a couple of days, everyone will enjoy the benefits of that gateway.
In the other hand if you constantly putting others needs before your own, you may find yourself feeling drained, resentful or even burn out. And that is not the type of person you want to be, it wouldn’t be very fun to be around you. Again, no one benefits from it.
When you take care of your needs you are better equipped to help and support others. Like it is commonly said, your glass needs to be full in order to serve from it. You cannot share anything from an empty cup.
How do I fill up my cup, you might ask?
Well, that depends on your own needs and priorities. But generally speaking this activities will help fill up your cup:
Dedicate time to yourself, maybe go get a massage, a walk in nature, or practice meditation, journaling or take a class of something you like.
Dedicate time to your passions or hobbies; when we spend time doing what we love it gives us a sense of fulfillment, it motivates us and enhances our creativity.
Spending meaningful time with friends or family is another way to prioritize ourselves. Please notice I said meaningful time, because when we get together just to gossip or complain that actually will only drain our energy.
Learning is another way to prioritize ourselves, as we learn more, we grow and evolve.
As you can see all these activities will leave you with a full heart, a calm mind and relaxed body. From this space you can help and support those around you from a place of love, acceptance and understanding. That is not selfish, it is essential for a family wellbeing.
When your loved ones start noticing this changes, some more than others, they will even encourage you to continue because they are getting the benefits as well.
I invite you to make a list of your needs and prioritize them, block a dedicated time a week for them and enjoy!!!
If you want to dive deep into this please join me in the upcoming Self-care Transformation Masterclass, on August 29, 2024 at 11 am EST. Click here to register.
Thanks for reading and keep growing!
With love,
Nathalia Mahecha
